Tuesday, May 20, 2008
milestone!
i just made my friend think im a emotional wreck with the things i say to him.
i hope i made him worried sick, but he probably is not.it seems more like he couldn't care less.
i just wanted to say the things i want them to know before any of our friendship is gone and chances that we would eventually stop talking altogether, just exactly the direction where it's going right now.
no im not dying, i just feel that the people who i thought got my back suddenly make me feel like oh so vulnerable;
if i was to fall i would fall hard and crack my head, break my spine, bleeding uncontrollably.they would squat and watch how i would bleed to death and then mumble under their breathe:" what a pity."
the people i love seem to be drawing away from me, i feel distant and forgotten by people i thought i knew and understand.no one could argue that i did not make that extra effort.but enough is enough.
many times im annoyed at myself for repeating the same things&telling people around me the same things and when i do:
every time i make the same mental note,:
"不是说好了不再讲了."
i just can't help it.once again,im at it.
i feel like an oyster.raw&inhibited with things you never see on the outside and never want to see on the inside.
i confess,im insecure,im lacking.
so let me apologise for what im about to say;
tan jian ming:wonder boy; extraordinaire; you made me cried&you made me laugh so hard that I cried.you're so precious,you cannot be replaced.I miss the late night phone calls and the random messages we use to send to each other.look where we are at now my friend, we've grown from being juvenile 13 year olds to almost reaching adulthood.we had this bittersweet friendship going on for 6 long years.you're hard to forget.keep my words close to your heart, because every single word came from mine.yes, im irritating right?
tan jie xin: i was 16 and you were 17.we hit it off almost immediately.we formed a friendship that is so close knitted it's scary.but i enjoy the creepiness of it, because it's diabetic.you made me a promise and i hold on to it.we're going to complete every single thing we made on our to do list.i wait for the day when we cut the ribbons at the opening ceremony of our first shop.
tan weihong: 4 years ago, I would have honestly have no idea that we would even be this close.I've given you the most names, weihong is a strange and alien name to me.I've done the silliest things i could ever imagine, in my wildest dreams with you, for you.we lived in our own world of make believe, decipher dreams, talked about our fragile selves dying, saying things only the both of us could understand, whatever we did, we did it in the name of fun, which was really fun.there's many things I wouldmight like to say to you.but somehow we're different now, no?your secret is safe with me.you made me smile a lot, so thank you dee.
ong su chiang: mister no dance=no life (: I haven't seen you in the longest time!glad you made it to nra.hope you'll make it big, and I'll be able to watch you on stage someday.all the best fishmonger.
tan tiong kiat: thank you,for your big heart for fostering those kittens.and thank you for the occasional: "how are you?" on msn to show that im not forgotten.
cavan: you are like a toy boy.i miss molesting you in class.
goh kar hui: come back please, ah huay.you are dearly missed.
i hope its big enough for them to see.
even if they have bird shit in their eye, its going to be quite clear.
what we could have been, 1:45 AM.
